Beneath the normal, even “ideal” family image, there is "something wrong," something too weird to discuss even among siblings.
The Family SecretĪ common feature of the Triadic Narcissistic family system is the existence of some unspoken secret that was kept from outsiders, and even from themselves. The same-sex-attracted (SSA) son was the sensitive child, the one among the siblings who absorbed the expectations of the well-meaning but narcissistic parent and the child whose restless drivenness and inability to trust his feelings gradually leads, in adulthood, to his self-destruction. He and his siblings harbor a family secret that something was very wrong behind the perfectionistic family image, but they are not sure what it is. In Clift’s biography, we see the classic maternal (over-involved) and paternal (withdrawn) parenting style in the lives of homosexual men, with Monty as the “good” son who does not rebel - which would have been the healthier response- but instead becomes the perfectionistic high-achiever, growing up unable to trust his own feelings.
An enormously attractive screen presence, he portrayed a haunting vulnerability and sensitivity that was evidently as much “who he was” offscreen as it was onscreen. He led a tormented life, dying prematurely after many years of drinking, drugs and a long string of affairs with men, as well as a few with women. Monty Clift was a broodingly handsome, classical actor who is considered to be one of the greatest screen stars of the Golden Age of film.
One background feature found rather often (though not universally) in homosexual men is the Triadic Narcissistic Family System. In the biography of celebrated actor Montgomery Clift, we see a striking example of some of the features found in the backgrounds of homosexual men.
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